Vegas, Take Two.

August 20, 2010




(1) Liz and Colleen decide to re-engage “Go Out” sequence.  Our Couchsurfing host graciously offered to let us use her car.  We drive to Fremont Street, Downtown Las Vegas.

Oh my god, no way. Just what I've always wanted!

(2) We park our Scion, and our first encounter with Vegas civilization, kitty-corner from the sign you see in the photo above, involved a young man asking us outright, “You ladies got numbers?”  He skipped the pick-up line, obsequious flattery, and cat calls, and just cut straight to the chase.  We respond, “Not tonight.  But hey, it’s Vegas!  Gotta play the odds, right?”

Liz-sized beverage containment units are clearly VERY necessary.

(3) We visit Walgreens so that Liz can buy conditioner – a very necessary amenity to have on you AT ALL TIMES while out on the town in Vegas.  Here, we discover the huge-beverage receptacle unit, a native species of product here in Sin City.

Someone's a bit gassy...

(4) We enter the Downtown Vegas complex, which is roofed by a massive LED light screen and lined with Casinos, cheap souvenir shops, Kiss impersonators, and show-girls posing for photos.  We passed an Oxygen Bar Kiosk (I know, right?!) where Colleen pays too much money to have a 90% oxygen solution propelled mercilessly up her nostrils for 12 minutes of pleasure and relaxation.  Colleen proceeds to be silly for the next couple hours.

(5) Lightning bolt of LED light strikes Liz directly in her frontal lobe.  As a result, Liz is no longer capable of rational thought processing.

Our "scenic" view of the Fremont street wares from the balcony at "Gold Diggers"

(6) We enter “Gold Diggers” casino to piss in their ceramic, where we received cards for free cocktails at the club upstairs.  We got our free drinks, and saw an ad for “Mermaids” across the street which caused us to want to bring our business there instead.  (We thought we could get hurricane Daiquiri beverages for $0.99, with collectible plastic beverage unit to bring home!  We were mistaken about the promotion, but the ad got us in the door.  Because we are apparently pawns of the system.)  We also saw lovely LED videos of ladies removing their bikinis, with the tits censored by words such as “ADZOOKS!,” “OOPS!,” “INDEED!,” and several other gems.  We did not, unfortunately, enter the topless lady facility.

He's not too old for us, is he?

(7) In Mermaids, we were immediately assaulted by a cocktail waitress who took our order and directed us to the nearest slot machine.  Five minutes later, we were assaulted by this guy, who had lots to say. “I just had to come over here and let you cute ladies know, you’re a blessing. You. Are. A. Blessing. Here, have some fries. They’re fresh! I promise.” Later on, he HAD to inform us, “I just got off parole. I used to take things out of department stores without paying, you know? But I’m off parole… Here, you gotta read this release letter. I’m so happy about it.” He produced his parole-release letter. We congratulated him.  John, our Craigslist ride into town, showed up to hang out with us and scared off the old geezer though…

One! Million! Dollars! And a couple black dudes. And John.

(8) The party is relocated to “Binion’s,” where we received $10 free slot play if we joined the Player’s Club, which we did.  We are official Players now.  We met some randos, took photos with ONE MILLION DOLLARS! with them as they made not-so-subtle attempts to grope Liz’s chest and shoot their finger-guns at the massive pile of money.

(9) We get too drunk to remember to take any more pictures.

(10) We sober up for a couple hours.  Get some food. Hear John’s wonderful stories about hitchhiking to Honolulu (ie. stowing himself away on a plane.) when he was naught but a weeeeee young lad and traveling the states and marrying… interesting ladies.

(11) We drive home at 4am.  But not without a stop at a mini-mall parking lot to resolve Colleen’s internal conflict between the food she had consumed and the alcohol working its way out of her system.

Vegas is fun. 🙂


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